Failure. There’s a lot of negativity surrounding that word and for good reason, it doesn’t feel very nice to fail. When you fail to lose weight, fail to wake up when you need to, fail to get to work on time, fail to give up that bad habit, fail to keep a promise; it can feel crushing, it can make you feel like you’re not good enough for anything, so why bother even trying? The thing is, if you fail at something, it means you actually tried to do something. Failure requires some sort of effort, some sort of action. Failure can teach you many things if you let it. Examine your failures to see what went wrong. When did things start going south? Why did it turn out like it did? 

If you want to find success in anything, you have to be willing to fail. Failure is part of the path to success. I used to be obese and successfully got my weight down to a healthy one. What people don’t see is the many failures to lose weight in my past. I tried to get healthy many times before I successfully did so. One of the key things that helped me was finding out exactly how many calories I was eating. The other key thing was discovering that I was considered obese. It didn’t feel good, but it was the truth.

People around me to this day deny that I was obese. That’s because our perception of what is obese is heavily (haha) skewed. Obese isn’t the same as morbidly obese, which is what people think of. But just being obese is when all the health risks start. I’m going to be brutally honest here: if you are overweight or obese, it’s because you are eating too much. It doesn’t have to be a lot; a little extra over a long period of time adds up. People don’t get obese overnight and they won’t lose all that weight overnight. You don’t have ‘fat genes’ and your cousin doesn’t have ‘skinny genes’. It doesn’t work like that. Are you the same height? Are you the same gender? Calorie needs vary based on many factors. You may think you eat the same thing as your skinnier relative, but do you follow them around every hour of the day to determine how much they actually eat overall? Do you follow them to see how much they move and exercise compared to you?  It won’t be the same as you. It’s physically impossible.

If you are failing at something, like losing weight, you need to challenge the way you’re trying to succeed at it. Look at it from a different angle. With losing weight, are you tracking what you eat? Or are you under the impression that as long as you do a workout, you can eat anything you want? I believed this for a long time. The truth is, you don’t burn all that much during a workout, even an intense one. It’s really easy to eat back 400 calories. Do you believe that as long as you eat ‘healthy’, you can eat however much you want? Peanut butter is pretty healthy, but also very calorie dense; it’s very easy to overeat. I wish it weren’t so, because I love peanut butter.

Failure is inevitable. If you’ve never failed, then you’ve never tried anything worthwhile. Do you want a fulfilling relationship? It probably won’t happen on the first try. Do you want to learn how to dance? You’re not going to get the steps right away. Do you want to wake up early? You’ll probably hit the snooze at first. Changing your behavior is one of the most difficult things you can do, but it’s not impossible and you shouldn’t give up when failure rears its head. Failure is a chance to learn, to grow.

This isn’t meant to be discouraging, I just want you to know what to expect, to know it’s okay to fail. It’s okay to be wrong. It means you’re trying something worthwhile. Failure will happen, but you can’t let that stop you from trying again. That’s the most important thing. Don’t let failure stop you from trying again. Maybe don’t try the exact same thing again, but don’t let it stop you completely. Figure out what you can do better. Always examine your failures. Sometimes part of the failure is outside your control, but always look at what you have control over. What can you improve next time? What was within your control?

What’s one failure you can examine right now? You just might learn how to succeed next time.

Practicing gratitude is one of the best ways you can spend your time. It helps prevent apathy and gives a new perspective to your life. If you have a hard time being grateful for things in your current life, no amount of improvement will make things better. If you’re not grateful for what you already have, you won’t be satisfied with anything you get in the future.

There’s a practice in Stoicism called ‘negative visualization’. In your mind, visualize losing everything and everyone you care about. Think about never seeing their smile again, never hearing them laugh. Think about becoming paralyzed, never being able to walk again. Think about losing everything you’ve ever worked for, gone in a moment. Really feel it, go deep and sit with the emotions that come. Think about what you want most in life and visualize never getting it. Feel the pain of that failure.

Now bring yourself back to the present, bring your loved ones back to life. Look at  what you still have in your life, see that you can still go after what you want, and how it’s not too late. Let the feeling of gratitude wash over you.

Everything can change, a Stoic keeps this in mind. It helps you to be grateful and cherish what you already have. It doesn’t stop you from pursuing goals, it just helps keep you grounded along the way and not take anything for granted. It also helps for when you do actually lose something or someone you care about. You’ve already lived it, in a way, you’ve already faced some of the emotions associated with that loss.

Another simple way to practice gratitude is to appreciate the little things in life. As cliché as it is, watching the sunrise is a good example. Enjoying silence with a cup of coffee in the morning. The smell of a summer breeze. A pleasant conversation with a friend. Good food. The rumble of driving a car without the radio. The smell of fresh bread. The taste of fresh tomatoes. Watching a candle burn. Watching your children play. There are so many things to enjoy in this world, but it’s easy to forget the little things that can bring joy. 

The pursuit of self-improvement can easily become a pursuit that is blind to the present. It’s easy to always be looking to the future, even when there’s plenty to love about the present that gets neglected. We become so focused that we become blind to what we already have. Gratitude isn’t about ‘settling’ for what you have, it’s about showing appreciation for what you have while you pursue what you want. 

If you always take time to appreciate that which you have, you’ll be sure to appreciate that which you end up having. Being grateful doesn’t prevent you from pursuing a better life, it just means you’ll like that life once you get there. If you expect something in the future to bring you everlasting happiness, you’re going to be disappointed. But if you look at what you already can be happy about, anything you pursue can add joy to your life, instead of being the only source of happiness. “I’ll be happy once I…” isn’t a good life strategy. Find what brings you joy on a daily basis. Life isn’t meant to be eternally happy, though, it has its ups and downs. But there’s always something to be grateful for. Sometimes you just have to stop running in order to see it. 

There’s wisdom in the old saying, “Sometimes you just have to stop and smell the roses.” Slow down, take stock of what is going well in your life along with what you want to change. In your pursuit of excellence, don’t forget to appreciate the road along the way. Take time for gratitude and I guarantee your life will be more peaceful.

For the next week, write down three things you’re grateful for every morning. No matter how big or small, just bring these things to your attention. I’ve found it’s an incredibly positive way to start the day. Practicing gratitude will improve your life, I guarantee it.

I’m not particularly religious anymore, but I do think there’s a tremendous amount of wisdom in the Bible. I don’t think that book was ever meant to be taken literally, though. For most of human history, stories weren’t meant to be taken as history. Just because something didn’t happen, though, doesn’t mean it’s not true, in the sense that it conveys something true. Great stories are always much more than mere entertainment. I think believers and non-believers alike do the Bible an injustice when they take it literally. It’s the distillation of tens of thousands of years of the stories humans told each other, I don’t think it’s a good idea to dismiss it.

“The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom.” Proverbs 9:10.

What comes to mind if you take that literally? Someone cowering before a god like an ant?

What if we take it another way? God represents everything we are not. Nature, the unknown, the ultimate ideals, the universe itself. In this context, fear of God would be an act of humility. Fear being more of a respect for it, than cowering before it. Like when you look up at the stars and realize how small you are. How does that change it?

“Humility is the beginning of wisdom.”

Bingo. Now, moving out of the Bible, this idea is illustrated in the life of Socrates. The Oracle had announced that Socrates was the wisest man in Greece. Upon hearing this, Socrates was puzzled. He didn’t know much of anything, so he didn’t think that could possibly be correct. He then set out to find someone wiser than himself, thinking it would be easy to do so. He went to the great artists, since their works conveyed much wisdom, but upon talking with them, he discovered they didn’t understand what their art conveyed, they were just conduits, the art flowing through them. He then went to the great politicians and artisans. These were very successful men, surely they were more wise than he. He discovered that because these men were successful, they thought that meant they knew about matters with which they were unfamiliar. They thought they knew a lot when in fact they knew little.

That’s when Socrates realized the Oracle was right. He was the wisest man in Greece, not because he knew many things, but because he knew that he didn’t know. He had the humility to admit that he didn’t know anything. 

If you lack humility, you can’t learn from your mistakes.

When I was young, I came across a quote that went like this:

“The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.” 

It was attributed to Socrates, but I learned later he never said that. What he said was, “I know one thing, that I know nothing.” I liked the quote, and understood it to a degree, but it wasn’t until later that I realized how important it would be to my life. 

When I was a teenager, I thought I knew everything. I think that’s pretty common, but, as a teenager, I discovered what my IQ was and it went straight to my head. I was very proud of it. Though as I’ve become older, I’ve realized how much I don’t know. I’ve been wrong so many times and I will be wrong again, no doubt. I’m not too proud of my IQ anymore, as I’ve come to value Wisdom above Intelligence. I didn’t earn my intelligence, but wisdom is always something earned, something lived. You can be smart, but not wise, and wise, but not smart. 

How does this relate to self-improvement?

Humility, the willingness to be wrong, is the only way you’ll be able to change your life. If you don’t like how your life is, you have to admit you’ve been doing something wrong. Not everything in your life is your fault, but there’s always something that is. Focus on what you can change, admit to what you’ve been doing wrong, and try something different. If you don’t think you can do something, be willing to be wrong about that. You have to humble yourself.

One good way of practicing humility is learning a new skill. You won’t be any good at the beginning and even when you are proficient in something, you’ll be aware of how much more you need to learn. 

I don’t think it’s wrong to be proud of things you’ve overcome and accomplished, but too much pride will blind you. You also have to humble yourself in being realistic about how much you can change at once. I have a problem where I think I can do more than I actually can. I take on too much and it all falls apart around me. I think it’s good to push your limits to see what you can truly handle, but when something is too much, letting go of your pride becomes paramount. Be compassionate with yourself, recognize where you are doing well along with where you need improvement. Treat yourself the same way you would treat a friend. Don’t try to stop smoking, lose weight, wake up early, work out, meditate, do yoga, learn a language, all at the same time if you’re just starting out. Is it possible? Sure. Is it probable you’ll succeed? Not really. Changing one behavior is already very difficult, there’s no need to overdo it. I know it can be tempting to completely change your life at once, but try focusing on one at a time. Once a new behavior is ensconced in your life, move on to the next. Be humble about what you can handle. A small step toward change is still a step toward change. Maybe you’re not ready to completely give up smoking, but smoking one less cigarette a day is something you can do. Very small change, but it’s an improvement nonetheless.

Don’t discount how much the little things add up. 

Being humble is easier said than done, I know this from experience. My pride has blinded more than I care to admit. The important thing is to just try and keep it in mind as much as possible. Concede that you just might be wrong about something. It doesn’t mean you are wrong, just concede that it’s possible. It’s okay to be wrong, though, and it’s incredibly useful to learn when you are. People make mistakes. You make mistakes. 

Humility is just the act of acknowledging that you don’t know everything. It doesn’t make you bad. It just makes you human.

This is the first part in a series about letting go.

If I had to take a guess, I’d wager you have some stuff you don’t need. Things you don’t use anymore, don’t like anymore, are mostly broken, forgot you owned, etc. I’ll be going over the concept of letting go and I decided to start with physical possessions, because it’s the easiest and it actually leads into the others.

I’ll be honest: I love stuff. Stuff is cool, it’s interesting, it’s exciting. I enjoy the stuff I own and am amazed at the skill people possess in creating things. However, years ago, I discovered that I had a problem related to stuff. I owned too much stuff and part of the reason was because I used shopping as a way to feel good. It was a form of escapism. New things gave me something to look forward to, something to get excited about, so I could forget about how much I didn’t like my life. I surrounded myself with things so I could numb the pain.

I’m not saying you’re doing this, my experience is just an example of how possessions can be used in an unhealthy way. Over the years, I’ve gradually culled my possessions to the point where I don’t own anything I don’t use.

You don’t have to become a minimalist, but I suggest taking a look at your possessions. Is there anything you don’t use anymore? Are there any emotions that come up when you think about getting rid of it? Is there any guilt associated with it?

I’ll give a recent example. I gave away my guitar not too long ago. For over 2 years, I owned this guitar, but hardly ever played. I learned a little bit and there were periods where I was consistent with it, but for the most part, it just gathered dust. Every time I looked at that guitar, I felt a little guilty for not playing it. For over 2 years. So I gave it away. As the guitar went away, so did the guilt. I came to terms with the fact that I just wasn’t into it and I had other priorities that I cared about more. And that’s okay. I don’t regret trying it out and I can always try again if I feel so inclined. In the meantime, getting rid of the guilt freed up more mental space than I realized it was taking up.

Unfinished projects, old hobby supplies, expensive clothes you don’t like, things you hold onto because you feel like getting rid of them would be a waste. Though if you don’t use it or like it, it’s already a waste and it’s weighing on your mind with guilt, making it cost more the longer you keep it.

Another reason to purge excess stuff is related to something I realized in myself. This might not be your experience, but I’ve found that the environment I’m responsible for is a reflection of my current state of mind. When I lived at home, this was my room. When I moved out, it was my house and apartment. My home mirrored my mind. When things were messy, my mind was messy. The act of cleaning my home helped me clear my mind and get it in order. The physical affected the mental.

The stuff I owned represented what I valued. Too many things caused me to lose focus. Having less things allowed me to focus on what I valued most. I have a large empty floor space because I value dancing, whether practicing alone or bringing home a date. I have a painting of Saint George and the Dragon because I value facing challenges head on; I value courage. I have a space for weights because I value my health and becoming stronger. Having less possessions helped me find and focus on what I valued most. It helped me get rid of guilt and work through emotions I would have otherwise ignored. 

It also helped me let go of identities I felt were no longer me. For a large portion of my life, I identified as a geek or nerd. I had a collection of sci-fi and fantasy novels, comic books, movie prop replicas, art, swords, figurines, etc. A lot of stuff that mirrored what I valued at the time. There’s nothing inherently wrong with liking these things, but I realized that I was drifting away from it more and more. It was my whole identity and that’s where I saw the problem. I wanted to be more than a nerd. I wanted to dance and sing. I wanted to get in shape. I wanted to not be awkward with women, I wanted to be charming and flirty. Getting rid of a lot of the geeky paraphernalia helped make room for these other things, both physically and mentally. 

Like a phoenix, sometimes parts of you have to burn off for something new to take its place.

I’m still a history nerd. I still love Lord of the Rings and think Tolkien was a genius. I still play video games and enjoy geeky things, but it’s not my whole identity anymore. It’s not my whole life. It’s a much smaller part than it used to be.

If you want to be more than you currently are, sometimes that requires you to rid yourself of things that no longer serve you. Mentally, physically, emotionally. Curating the things you surround yourself with is a way to start that process.

What’s one thing that’s no longer serving you?

I don’t think it’s important to love your job, but I do think it’s important to enjoy it, at least to some extent. I believe you can derive enjoyment from most jobs, even, or perhaps especially, from ‘menial’ ones. It all depends on how you approach your work and how you frame it. 

For example, my first job was mainly janitorial work. I cleaned toilets, mopped floors, kept things clean and tidy. I could have framed the situation like this: “This is so demeaning, cleaning up other people’s filth. I’m too smart for this!” Framing it that way would have made me hate my job. I would loathe going into work, lamenting about how I’m better than the work.

I didn’t frame it that way, though, and there’s a big reason why: It was because of my boss. He owned the company and yet he was the one that showed me how to do my job. He could have delegated someone else to show me the ropes, but he opted to get his hands dirty. He also told me why the work I did was important. Keeping things clean helped my coworkers by giving them a clean environment to work in. It helped lower stress and was healthier. It also presented a better image to our customers and gave them a clean environment to walk into and do business. 

Now, I lucked out when it came to bosses. I understand that my experience isn’t the norm. But the wisdom he passed on can be applied elsewhere. Knowing why your job is worth doing helps you in doing it. Ask yourself: What value am I providing? If the job didn’t have value, you wouldn’t be getting paid to do it. If you don’t think you’re getting paid enough for the value you bring, ask for a raise or find another job. Be realistic about how much value you bring, though.

The more I did my job, the more I started liking it. I enjoyed making things neat and tidy. I enjoyed the fact that I could listen to music or an audio-book while I worked. I enjoyed that I could work alone and have time to just think. Cleaning can be very meditative and somewhat relaxing. My job wasn’t glamorous or high-paying, but I found satisfaction in it. Because of that, I ended up doing it quite well and earned a reputation at the company for cleanliness. I was promoted into more advanced positions within the company, but my neatness standard was still mentioned. When something was cleaned especially well, it was considered “Jesse-clean”. 

I learned to not think any work was beneath me, with the exception of anything that would compromise my morals. That’s not something my boss told me, it was something he showed me. He was at the top of the company, but he showed me how to take care of the dirtiest jobs within that company. I learned a lot from him and I’m grateful he was the first boss I had.

All this isn’t to say that you shouldn’t find a job you love. If there’s something you want, go after it. What I’m saying here is that you don’t need a job you love in order to enjoy your job. Focus on the positive aspects of your job and if you really can’t find any, it’s time to find a new job. 

I think each person needs to find meaning in their life, but that meaning doesn’t have to be derived from their job. Meaning can be derived from many places, like pursuing hobbies, raising a family, helping your community, or writing on a blog. If where you get meaning doesn’t pay the bills, that’s fine. If your job is so-so, try framing it in a different way in order to enjoy it more. Be playful with it. My day job is working in a refinery. When people ask what I do, I always respond, “I play with fire.” I enjoy what I do. I don’t ‘love’ it, but I enjoy it and I’m fine with that. It allows me to pursue that which I find very meaningful, like dance and writing.

If you already love your job, then that’s great! This can apply to any task you don’t really like doing. Focus on the positive aspects of it, focus on why you’re doing it. Don’t like cleaning your place? Think about how it feels when things are clean and orderly, think about what that does to your state of mind. How can you frame it to enjoy it more?

When it comes to doing things you don’t like, changing the way you think about the task makes a big difference. It’s just a matter of perspective.

We all spend a lot of time working or doing things we don’t like, why not try to enjoy the ride?

What are you afraid of?

Public speaking? Death? The dark? Asking someone out? Letting people get close? 

Do you even acknowledge you have fears? Or do you drown yourself in distractions to keep from thinking about what you fear? Very few people are truly fearless, so it’s a fair guess that you have something you’re afraid of. How about I share my fears, maybe that will show you it’s okay to be afraid.

Fear is something I have an incredible amount of experience with. You could say there was a time when I was afraid of absolutely everything. I could make the argument that I still am, to a degree.

I’m afraid of posting on this blog. I’m afraid my writing isn’t good enough, that no one will like it. I’m afraid of losing people I care about. By extension, I’m afraid of caring for people and letting them get close. I’m afraid of crashing my car and hurting someone. I’m afraid of getting injured at work. I’m afraid of being ridiculed by people. I’m afraid of women I’m attracted to. I’m afraid of having children, and not being a good enough father to raise them. I’m afraid of my future children hating me. I’m afraid of my future wife leaving me. I’m afraid of getting to a point where I take my own life, like my father did. I’m afraid of people using me and casting me aside. I’m afraid of my darker side and what would happen if it took control. 

I could go on, but I think you get the picture. I’m afraid of many things. I would say they’re all legitimate fears, too. There’s good reason to be afraid of them. But here’s the important thing:

Just because I’m afraid, it doesn’t mean I should let it stop me. I shouldn’t use fear as an excuse.

I still post to this blog, even though I’m afraid people won’t find what I have to say useful. I know it will never be perfect, so I let it be imperfect. I still let people in, even though I’m afraid of losing them. I still drive, even though I’m afraid of hurting someone. I still do my job, even though it’s dangerous. I still make friends, even though I’m afraid to. I still date, even though I’m afraid of heartbreak. I still want to have a family. I take care of my mental health so I don’t end up like my father. I don’t pretend that I don’t have a darker side, I acknowledge and understand it, so that I’m not overtaken by it. 

This isn’t to pat myself on the back, it’s just to illustrate how you don’t have to let fear stop you from living. You don’t have to use it as an excuse to not live your life. And that’s really it. I used to let fear stop me from living, I used it as an excuse to not try. The more I let fear win, the more ground it took. My world became smaller and smaller until I couldn’t even go to the grocery store without severe anxiety. I cowered whenever fear showed itself. I never stood against it.

This is where courage comes in. Courage isn’t the absence of fear, it’s the act of facing it. Being fearless and being courageous are not the same thing in the slightest. Being fearless is the state of having no fear, but courage requires fear.

I’m still afraid of so many things, but I face them regularly, because I know what it’s like if I let fear rule my life. I lived that way for many years and I don’t want to go back. I won’t. Sometimes things aren’t as bad as I feared, but sometimes they’re worse. The amazing thing is I still handle the situation. As it often turns out, I’m stronger than I think. That’s what courage can show you. Not so much that things aren’t as bad as you think, but that you can handle it, even though they’re as bad as you think. Courage lets you find your strength, it doesn’t necessarily make you less afraid.

I’ve always liked the character of Batman because of his relationship with fear. Bats were a huge fear of his from a young age, but upon facing it, he took strength from the very thing he feared. He embraced his fear and stopped cowering before it.

How do you develop courage, though? Like with most things, start small. Make a list of your fears and rank them each on a scale of 1-10. Start with 1 and work your way up. Acknowledge each time you face a fear, even if it’s small or it didn’t go well. Each time you face a fear, your overall courage will increase and it will be a little easier to face the next fear. Courage has a way of building momentum, it just needs a little push to get started. If a voice tells you that you can’t face a fear, I have a suggestion. In your head, tell that voice that they’re probably right, but you’re going to try anyway, you’re going to see what happens. I’ve found that that helps me find the little bit of courage needed to at least try facing a fear.

Now there’s just one last thing I want to ask:

When the gaunt, hollow visage of fear bares its teeth and threatens to drag you into the inky abyss, what will you do?

Will you cower or will you stand?

Why bother improving yourself? That’s a question I sometimes struggle with. I fall flat on my face and wonder why I’m even trying. I’ll die anyway, so what does it matter? I’ll just indulge my impulses until that day comes.

That sort of thinking is enticing, to be sure. Self improvement is painful, often without seeing what the pain is for until much later. Immediate pleasure is obvious and in your face. This feels good now, that other thing hurts right now. Why am I doing something that hurts when I can feel good doing this other thing?

The difference is the perspective. If all you can see is the present, of course the pleasure is the way to go. But if you can look to the future, that immediate pleasure often is going to cause long term pain, whereas that thing that hurts is going to result in something far more meaningful than mere pleasure.

If one can keep their eyes on the horizon, on a value, a goal, a guiding star, pain in the present becomes bearable. There’s a quote by Nietszche, “He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.” If you have a reason for doing something, you can bear what it takes to get it. If you don’t have much reason, you’ll easily succumb to immediate pleasure, because that’s the most obvious thing.

Maybe you’re reading this post because you looked around and asked yourself, “Is this it? Is this all my life is?” Yeah, comfort is nice and pleasure is enticing, but is there more to this life? Do you have any goals? Do you have desires that are above and beyond mere pleasure? Are you turning to pleasure to run away from problems you currently have?

Why pursue excellence? Maybe so you can keep from plunging into a life of pleasure-seeking nihilism. Maybe so you don’t have to suffer more than is necessary in the long run. Though, in my opinion, the reason to pursue excellence is simple: Pushing the boundaries of your potential is the essence of what it is to be human. The stories we’ve told ourselves for countless generations are all about fighting and exploring, discovery and hope. The capacity to move past our base impulses and pursue something more is the most human thing there is. Truly see where your limits actually are. I guarantee you can do more than you think.

Why pursue excellence?

Because that’s what the human spirit is, it yearns to be challenged, to be tested.

When it comes to excellence, I’m not necessarily talking about being rich and famous or being the best in a particular field, though that can be how excellence manifests itself in some people. I’m talking about being excellent wherever you are in life, pursuing it in all you do. There’s room for excellence in every aspect of life. It’s a mindset, a lifestyle.

There are people who excel at what they do, but aren’t world renowned for it. Getting attention and accolades isn’t the point of excellence, though. Have you ever eaten incredible food? In my experience, the best food is found in the little hole-in-the-wall restaurants where the owner loves what they do. Or have you ever experienced incredible kindness from a stranger? That’s a simple act of excellence, that’s the human potential.

I have an experience with that. I wasn’t feeling very well at work and on my lunch break I went to the store to buy some medicine to get me through the day. The cashier asked me the standard, “How are you?” And before I could answer she looked at what I was buying and said, “Aw, not too well, huh?” as she gave me a sympathetic smile and hoped I felt better soon. It wasn’t a big deal, I wasn’t suffering horribly or anything, but it meant enough to me that I still remember it. That was a display of excellence. I’ve found that whenever I’m inspired or moved by someone or something, it means I’m witnessing excellence in some way. I’m seeing a virtue personified or a highly honed skill displayed.

Excellence speaks to the human soul, to rise up and become more. To throw off the shackles of our base impulses and pursue something higher than ourselves.

Whatever your ambitions are, there’s room for excellence. You may want to reach for the stars, or you may just want a simple life and be left alone. Working to embody excellence in yourself will help you on your path, whatever it may be.

Question time: Have you ever wanted to start doing something, but you hold back because you want to ‘do it right’? So you spend endless time figuring out the perfect way to go about it that you end up never doing it. There’s a saying that goes “Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good.” I always took that to mean: stumbling through something is better than never trying in the first place. Action of any kind is often better than no action at all. I have a problem myself where I’ll read excessively about something because I want to ‘do it right’, but I end up not doing anything at all. Experience with something is often better than reading about it. That’s not to say reading about something isn’t useful, but knowledge without action doesn’t get you anywhere.

Often, it is required to become like a little kid again. When learning to walk, children always stumble and fall on their first step. It might help to remember that when you get frustrated. Remember that stumbling through failure is the way to success. You won’t get it right the first time and that’s okay, you can learn from it and do better next time.

The action doesn’t have to be much. If you want to write a book (or a blog post), the only action you have to commit to is writing down a single sentence every day. Just write something. You might be thinking, “How could that possibly work, writing a book would take forever that way!” And you’re right. The thing is, some days you might just write that one sentence, but what often happens is you’ll end up writing a lot more once you actually sit down to write. The small action of writing that one sentence has a domino effect. Often, the first step is the hardest one. If you have a hard time keeping your space clean, commit to just picking up one thing and putting it where it goes. That’s it, just the one. If you want to do more, you can, but just do that one thing. You just might find you get some momentum to keep going. But if you just do that one, small action, don’t beat yourself up for not doing more. This is key. If you just commit to the one thing, don’t berate yourself for just doing that one thing. That can sabotage the whole thing, because then you’ll think you have to do a lot more before you even start, so you won’t want to start at all. Commit to the one small action, then allow yourself to just do that one small thing.

I have an example story about this. I had started learning to dance and had been taking lessons for about a month. This alone was a tremendous step for me, but that’s not the point of this story. My teacher told me I was ready to go out social dancing, she felt I would be fine going out and leading girls through some dances. The idea terrified me, but going out social dancing was the reason I wanted to learn to dance in the first place. She told me of a place I could go and I decided I’d give it a try. Here’s how I went about it. I promised myself that all I had to do was show up. That’s it. If my anxiety was through the roof, I would allow myself to leave. No being hard on myself. I didn’t have to ask any girls to dance, I didn’t have to spend an hour there, or all night. All I had to do was show up and see what it was like.

Even with those stipulations, my anxiety was terrible. It’s one of the times I’ve used cold showers to help calm my anxiety before I went out. I went to this dance hall with full intentions to just leave as soon as I walked in the door. But do you know what happened?

I had a blast.

I won’t say I didn’t have any anxiety, but it was far less than I had before I went. I asked girls to dance and was even asked to dance by some girls. Did I do it perfectly? Of course not, I stumbled my way through it, but had a lot of fun overall. Nothing you do will be perfect, but you can’t get to where you want to be without taking action.

That night showed me what was possible for me to do. I did something I thought I’d never be able to do. I’ve learned over and over that I’m wrong about what I can do. In order to see that, though, I had to take action. Learning to dance started with a small action: I signed up for a dance lesson. I told myself I just had to see what it was like, I could even leave if it was too much. (See a pattern here?)

Often, we think we need to make big, huge decisions to change our lives, but it’s the small choices that end up making the biggest impact. Self-improvement is just a series of making small choices. Taking that first lesson was a small, simple action that changed the course of my life. 

Write a sentence. Learn a phrase in a foreign language. Go for a walk. Put a dollar in a savings account. Smile at someone. Eat a vegetable with lunch. Take action towards your goals. It doesn’t have to be anything grand. Start small.

What’s a small action you can stumble through today? Take it, you might be surprised at what happens.

It might just change your life.

What you do matters.

Think about that for a minute. Have you ever sat down and thought about what effect you have on your own life? On those around you? On the world itself? Do you act as if what you do matters? Probably not all the time. Maybe hardly ever.

Now, you may be thinking that nothing you do matters. Just leave me alone, I’m not hurting anyone. Why bother with anything? Why bother improving? Why bother pursuing excellence? Why be virtuous? I’ll just play video games.

Those are all good questions. Why not just play video games? Maybe a bunch of stuff happens and then you die. The Nihilistic view is quite compelling, but it really doesn’t help anything. Maybe nothing you do will matter in a million years, but it will matter in the next year. And not just in your own life, but also those around you. Can you concede that what you do matters in a smaller time frame? That you might actually be able to make things better? Or that your current mindset might be making things worse?

I have a story to share. About the time I was drastically making changes in my life, I had an effect on someone I didn’t expect. I was learning how to dance during this time and my mother was talking to her neighbor about it. This neighbor had known me before I moved out on my own and was surprised I was doing that, since I had been a pretty anxious kid. Apparently, this neighbor’s son overheard their conversation and was inspired by what I had done. This kid was about 13 and had always wanted to join the drama club at his school, but up to that point, he was too anxious. But because he heard about me doing something that scared me, he found the courage within himself to go after something he wanted. He joined the drama club. I did nothing to help this kid, he found the strength within himself by just seeing that it could be done. I thought that was incredibly cool, especially for doing such a thing at his age. He’s well on his way to getting the life he wants.

I was blown away when I heard that. It was the first time that it hit home that I could indirectly help people. I had no idea that could happen, let alone that it would happen. When you make yourself better, it ripples out.

You don’t know what impact your actions will have, but I do know this: the better you make yourself, the better you end up making those around you. The inverse is also true: the worse you are, the worse you make those around you. There’s a saying you may have heard: one rotten apple spoils the bunch. What you choose to do in your life doesn’t just affect you. Your influence reaches farther than you can ever know.

You are the sum of the choices you’ve made. Being better or being worse is a choice you have to make, every day, and by doing so, you make the world a little better or a little worse.

What will you choose today?

Have you ever caught yourself saying to yourself, “Oh, I can’t do that.” The voice says it and you believe it. Maybe it’s not in the first person, maybe it’s, “Oh, you can’t do that. You’ll never be able to do that. Why do you kid yourself?” I know I’ve heard that voice. I listened to that voice for a very long time. But I’ve learned a lot about that voice in the past ten years or so. 

That voice is often wrong.

And not just a little wrong, completely wrong. When I was looking into learning how to dance, I watched a few videos of couples dancing and thinking how fun that would be to learn. Then that voice reared its head, “You’ll never learn how to do that. Even if you did, there’s no way you’d have the guts to ask a girl to dance, let alone one as gorgeous as that.” I remember that voice bringing me to tears, because I believed what it told me. I believed that no matter how hard I tried, I’d never be able to have the life I wanted. This was at a time in my life that my anxiety was at its worst. I couldn’t go to a grocery store within experience intense anxiety, how could I hope to learn how to dance? Dancing, by its very nature, is social, how could I hope to learn?

But something happened then, I told the voice I was going to try anyway. “But you can’t learn. Even with a private lesson, you’ll be too nervous. You’ll be shaking, your hands will be sweaty, you’ll humiliate yourself. You can’t do it.” It became even more adamant about stopping me, giving me any excuse that seemed remotely possible and any insult that might deter me, reminding me how awkward I was. I said it was probably right, but I was going to try anyway. For once in my life, I didn’t let that voice stop me. I still believed it at the time, but I still wanted to try. I was at a point where I didn’t want to live like that anymore, I needed to do something about my life.

So I scheduled a private lesson the next week and waited for the day to come. I stressed the whole time, almost cancelling as the day drew closer. The voice was constantly trying to get me to back out, desperately trying to coax me back into my comfort zone. But I held out and when the day came, I drove to the studio, hoping my car would break down so I wouldn’t have to go. Everything was fine and I made it to the studio unscathed. 

Do you know what happened? I fell in love with dance and it changed my life. Booking that lesson turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life. Sometimes a seemingly small action can change the course of your life. Sometimes you can do what you don’t think you can do.

Was I an amazing dancer right off the bat? Of course not, I stumbled and had to learn a lot. But I loved it and it led me to being able to do more things I didn’t know I could do, things I thought were impossible at one point in my life. 

That voice is still there and it will tell me I can’t do this or that. Sometimes it’s right and it will stop me from doing something stupid, so it does have a place, it’s not always wrong. But I’ve learned to realize when it’s most likely right and when it’s just freaking out for no reason. Usually it’s wrong and is just being overly dramatic. For example, it always told me I’d never be able to date a woman I was incredibly attracted to. I’m happy to say it was wrong about that, too.

What is something you’ve wanted to do that you don’t think you can do no matter how hard you try? I bet you’re more capable than you think. Sometimes, all you have to do is take that first step and your life will change.