Practicing gratitude is one of the best ways you can spend your time. It helps prevent apathy and gives a new perspective to your life. If you have a hard time being grateful for things in your current life, no amount of improvement will make things better. If you’re not grateful for what you already have, you won’t be satisfied with anything you get in the future.

There’s a practice in Stoicism called ‘negative visualization’. In your mind, visualize losing everything and everyone you care about. Think about never seeing their smile again, never hearing them laugh. Think about becoming paralyzed, never being able to walk again. Think about losing everything you’ve ever worked for, gone in a moment. Really feel it, go deep and sit with the emotions that come. Think about what you want most in life and visualize never getting it. Feel the pain of that failure.

Now bring yourself back to the present, bring your loved ones back to life. Look at  what you still have in your life, see that you can still go after what you want, and how it’s not too late. Let the feeling of gratitude wash over you.

Everything can change, a Stoic keeps this in mind. It helps you to be grateful and cherish what you already have. It doesn’t stop you from pursuing goals, it just helps keep you grounded along the way and not take anything for granted. It also helps for when you do actually lose something or someone you care about. You’ve already lived it, in a way, you’ve already faced some of the emotions associated with that loss.

Another simple way to practice gratitude is to appreciate the little things in life. As cliché as it is, watching the sunrise is a good example. Enjoying silence with a cup of coffee in the morning. The smell of a summer breeze. A pleasant conversation with a friend. Good food. The rumble of driving a car without the radio. The smell of fresh bread. The taste of fresh tomatoes. Watching a candle burn. Watching your children play. There are so many things to enjoy in this world, but it’s easy to forget the little things that can bring joy. 

The pursuit of self-improvement can easily become a pursuit that is blind to the present. It’s easy to always be looking to the future, even when there’s plenty to love about the present that gets neglected. We become so focused that we become blind to what we already have. Gratitude isn’t about ‘settling’ for what you have, it’s about showing appreciation for what you have while you pursue what you want. 

If you always take time to appreciate that which you have, you’ll be sure to appreciate that which you end up having. Being grateful doesn’t prevent you from pursuing a better life, it just means you’ll like that life once you get there. If you expect something in the future to bring you everlasting happiness, you’re going to be disappointed. But if you look at what you already can be happy about, anything you pursue can add joy to your life, instead of being the only source of happiness. “I’ll be happy once I…” isn’t a good life strategy. Find what brings you joy on a daily basis. Life isn’t meant to be eternally happy, though, it has its ups and downs. But there’s always something to be grateful for. Sometimes you just have to stop running in order to see it. 

There’s wisdom in the old saying, “Sometimes you just have to stop and smell the roses.” Slow down, take stock of what is going well in your life along with what you want to change. In your pursuit of excellence, don’t forget to appreciate the road along the way. Take time for gratitude and I guarantee your life will be more peaceful.

For the next week, write down three things you’re grateful for every morning. No matter how big or small, just bring these things to your attention. I’ve found it’s an incredibly positive way to start the day. Practicing gratitude will improve your life, I guarantee it.

I’m not particularly religious anymore, but I do think there’s a tremendous amount of wisdom in the Bible. I don’t think that book was ever meant to be taken literally, though. For most of human history, stories weren’t meant to be taken as history. Just because something didn’t happen, though, doesn’t mean it’s not true, in the sense that it conveys something true. Great stories are always much more than mere entertainment. I think believers and non-believers alike do the Bible an injustice when they take it literally. It’s the distillation of tens of thousands of years of the stories humans told each other, I don’t think it’s a good idea to dismiss it.

“The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom.” Proverbs 9:10.

What comes to mind if you take that literally? Someone cowering before a god like an ant?

What if we take it another way? God represents everything we are not. Nature, the unknown, the ultimate ideals, the universe itself. In this context, fear of God would be an act of humility. Fear being more of a respect for it, than cowering before it. Like when you look up at the stars and realize how small you are. How does that change it?

“Humility is the beginning of wisdom.”

Bingo. Now, moving out of the Bible, this idea is illustrated in the life of Socrates. The Oracle had announced that Socrates was the wisest man in Greece. Upon hearing this, Socrates was puzzled. He didn’t know much of anything, so he didn’t think that could possibly be correct. He then set out to find someone wiser than himself, thinking it would be easy to do so. He went to the great artists, since their works conveyed much wisdom, but upon talking with them, he discovered they didn’t understand what their art conveyed, they were just conduits, the art flowing through them. He then went to the great politicians and artisans. These were very successful men, surely they were more wise than he. He discovered that because these men were successful, they thought that meant they knew about matters with which they were unfamiliar. They thought they knew a lot when in fact they knew little.

That’s when Socrates realized the Oracle was right. He was the wisest man in Greece, not because he knew many things, but because he knew that he didn’t know. He had the humility to admit that he didn’t know anything. 

If you lack humility, you can’t learn from your mistakes.

When I was young, I came across a quote that went like this:

“The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.” 

It was attributed to Socrates, but I learned later he never said that. What he said was, “I know one thing, that I know nothing.” I liked the quote, and understood it to a degree, but it wasn’t until later that I realized how important it would be to my life. 

When I was a teenager, I thought I knew everything. I think that’s pretty common, but, as a teenager, I discovered what my IQ was and it went straight to my head. I was very proud of it. Though as I’ve become older, I’ve realized how much I don’t know. I’ve been wrong so many times and I will be wrong again, no doubt. I’m not too proud of my IQ anymore, as I’ve come to value Wisdom above Intelligence. I didn’t earn my intelligence, but wisdom is always something earned, something lived. You can be smart, but not wise, and wise, but not smart. 

How does this relate to self-improvement?

Humility, the willingness to be wrong, is the only way you’ll be able to change your life. If you don’t like how your life is, you have to admit you’ve been doing something wrong. Not everything in your life is your fault, but there’s always something that is. Focus on what you can change, admit to what you’ve been doing wrong, and try something different. If you don’t think you can do something, be willing to be wrong about that. You have to humble yourself.

One good way of practicing humility is learning a new skill. You won’t be any good at the beginning and even when you are proficient in something, you’ll be aware of how much more you need to learn. 

I don’t think it’s wrong to be proud of things you’ve overcome and accomplished, but too much pride will blind you. You also have to humble yourself in being realistic about how much you can change at once. I have a problem where I think I can do more than I actually can. I take on too much and it all falls apart around me. I think it’s good to push your limits to see what you can truly handle, but when something is too much, letting go of your pride becomes paramount. Be compassionate with yourself, recognize where you are doing well along with where you need improvement. Treat yourself the same way you would treat a friend. Don’t try to stop smoking, lose weight, wake up early, work out, meditate, do yoga, learn a language, all at the same time if you’re just starting out. Is it possible? Sure. Is it probable you’ll succeed? Not really. Changing one behavior is already very difficult, there’s no need to overdo it. I know it can be tempting to completely change your life at once, but try focusing on one at a time. Once a new behavior is ensconced in your life, move on to the next. Be humble about what you can handle. A small step toward change is still a step toward change. Maybe you’re not ready to completely give up smoking, but smoking one less cigarette a day is something you can do. Very small change, but it’s an improvement nonetheless.

Don’t discount how much the little things add up. 

Being humble is easier said than done, I know this from experience. My pride has blinded more than I care to admit. The important thing is to just try and keep it in mind as much as possible. Concede that you just might be wrong about something. It doesn’t mean you are wrong, just concede that it’s possible. It’s okay to be wrong, though, and it’s incredibly useful to learn when you are. People make mistakes. You make mistakes. 

Humility is just the act of acknowledging that you don’t know everything. It doesn’t make you bad. It just makes you human.

This is the first part in a series about letting go.

If I had to take a guess, I’d wager you have some stuff you don’t need. Things you don’t use anymore, don’t like anymore, are mostly broken, forgot you owned, etc. I’ll be going over the concept of letting go and I decided to start with physical possessions, because it’s the easiest and it actually leads into the others.

I’ll be honest: I love stuff. Stuff is cool, it’s interesting, it’s exciting. I enjoy the stuff I own and am amazed at the skill people possess in creating things. However, years ago, I discovered that I had a problem related to stuff. I owned too much stuff and part of the reason was because I used shopping as a way to feel good. It was a form of escapism. New things gave me something to look forward to, something to get excited about, so I could forget about how much I didn’t like my life. I surrounded myself with things so I could numb the pain.

I’m not saying you’re doing this, my experience is just an example of how possessions can be used in an unhealthy way. Over the years, I’ve gradually culled my possessions to the point where I don’t own anything I don’t use.

You don’t have to become a minimalist, but I suggest taking a look at your possessions. Is there anything you don’t use anymore? Are there any emotions that come up when you think about getting rid of it? Is there any guilt associated with it?

I’ll give a recent example. I gave away my guitar not too long ago. For over 2 years, I owned this guitar, but hardly ever played. I learned a little bit and there were periods where I was consistent with it, but for the most part, it just gathered dust. Every time I looked at that guitar, I felt a little guilty for not playing it. For over 2 years. So I gave it away. As the guitar went away, so did the guilt. I came to terms with the fact that I just wasn’t into it and I had other priorities that I cared about more. And that’s okay. I don’t regret trying it out and I can always try again if I feel so inclined. In the meantime, getting rid of the guilt freed up more mental space than I realized it was taking up.

Unfinished projects, old hobby supplies, expensive clothes you don’t like, things you hold onto because you feel like getting rid of them would be a waste. Though if you don’t use it or like it, it’s already a waste and it’s weighing on your mind with guilt, making it cost more the longer you keep it.

Another reason to purge excess stuff is related to something I realized in myself. This might not be your experience, but I’ve found that the environment I’m responsible for is a reflection of my current state of mind. When I lived at home, this was my room. When I moved out, it was my house and apartment. My home mirrored my mind. When things were messy, my mind was messy. The act of cleaning my home helped me clear my mind and get it in order. The physical affected the mental.

The stuff I owned represented what I valued. Too many things caused me to lose focus. Having less things allowed me to focus on what I valued most. I have a large empty floor space because I value dancing, whether practicing alone or bringing home a date. I have a painting of Saint George and the Dragon because I value facing challenges head on; I value courage. I have a space for weights because I value my health and becoming stronger. Having less possessions helped me find and focus on what I valued most. It helped me get rid of guilt and work through emotions I would have otherwise ignored. 

It also helped me let go of identities I felt were no longer me. For a large portion of my life, I identified as a geek or nerd. I had a collection of sci-fi and fantasy novels, comic books, movie prop replicas, art, swords, figurines, etc. A lot of stuff that mirrored what I valued at the time. There’s nothing inherently wrong with liking these things, but I realized that I was drifting away from it more and more. It was my whole identity and that’s where I saw the problem. I wanted to be more than a nerd. I wanted to dance and sing. I wanted to get in shape. I wanted to not be awkward with women, I wanted to be charming and flirty. Getting rid of a lot of the geeky paraphernalia helped make room for these other things, both physically and mentally. 

Like a phoenix, sometimes parts of you have to burn off for something new to take its place.

I’m still a history nerd. I still love Lord of the Rings and think Tolkien was a genius. I still play video games and enjoy geeky things, but it’s not my whole identity anymore. It’s not my whole life. It’s a much smaller part than it used to be.

If you want to be more than you currently are, sometimes that requires you to rid yourself of things that no longer serve you. Mentally, physically, emotionally. Curating the things you surround yourself with is a way to start that process.

What’s one thing that’s no longer serving you?