What are you afraid of?
Public speaking? Death? The dark? Asking someone out? Letting people get close?
Do you even acknowledge you have fears? Or do you drown yourself in distractions to keep from thinking about what you fear? Very few people are truly fearless, so it’s a fair guess that you have something you’re afraid of. How about I share my fears, maybe that will show you it’s okay to be afraid.
Fear is something I have an incredible amount of experience with. You could say there was a time when I was afraid of absolutely everything. I could make the argument that I still am, to a degree.
I’m afraid of posting on this blog. I’m afraid my writing isn’t good enough, that no one will like it. I’m afraid of losing people I care about. By extension, I’m afraid of caring for people and letting them get close. I’m afraid of crashing my car and hurting someone. I’m afraid of getting injured at work. I’m afraid of being ridiculed by people. I’m afraid of women I’m attracted to. I’m afraid of having children, and not being a good enough father to raise them. I’m afraid of my future children hating me. I’m afraid of my future wife leaving me. I’m afraid of getting to a point where I take my own life, like my father did. I’m afraid of people using me and casting me aside. I’m afraid of my darker side and what would happen if it took control.
I could go on, but I think you get the picture. I’m afraid of many things. I would say they’re all legitimate fears, too. There’s good reason to be afraid of them. But here’s the important thing:
Just because I’m afraid, it doesn’t mean I should let it stop me. I shouldn’t use fear as an excuse.
I still post to this blog, even though I’m afraid people won’t find what I have to say useful. I know it will never be perfect, so I let it be imperfect. I still let people in, even though I’m afraid of losing them. I still drive, even though I’m afraid of hurting someone. I still do my job, even though it’s dangerous. I still make friends, even though I’m afraid to. I still date, even though I’m afraid of heartbreak. I still want to have a family. I take care of my mental health so I don’t end up like my father. I don’t pretend that I don’t have a darker side, I acknowledge and understand it, so that I’m not overtaken by it.
This isn’t to pat myself on the back, it’s just to illustrate how you don’t have to let fear stop you from living. You don’t have to use it as an excuse to not live your life. And that’s really it. I used to let fear stop me from living, I used it as an excuse to not try. The more I let fear win, the more ground it took. My world became smaller and smaller until I couldn’t even go to the grocery store without severe anxiety. I cowered whenever fear showed itself. I never stood against it.
This is where courage comes in. Courage isn’t the absence of fear, it’s the act of facing it. Being fearless and being courageous are not the same thing in the slightest. Being fearless is the state of having no fear, but courage requires fear.
I’m still afraid of so many things, but I face them regularly, because I know what it’s like if I let fear rule my life. I lived that way for many years and I don’t want to go back. I won’t. Sometimes things aren’t as bad as I feared, but sometimes they’re worse. The amazing thing is I still handle the situation. As it often turns out, I’m stronger than I think. That’s what courage can show you. Not so much that things aren’t as bad as you think, but that you can handle it, even though they’re as bad as you think. Courage lets you find your strength, it doesn’t necessarily make you less afraid.
I’ve always liked the character of Batman because of his relationship with fear. Bats were a huge fear of his from a young age, but upon facing it, he took strength from the very thing he feared. He embraced his fear and stopped cowering before it.
How do you develop courage, though? Like with most things, start small. Make a list of your fears and rank them each on a scale of 1-10. Start with 1 and work your way up. Acknowledge each time you face a fear, even if it’s small or it didn’t go well. Each time you face a fear, your overall courage will increase and it will be a little easier to face the next fear. Courage has a way of building momentum, it just needs a little push to get started. If a voice tells you that you can’t face a fear, I have a suggestion. In your head, tell that voice that they’re probably right, but you’re going to try anyway, you’re going to see what happens. I’ve found that that helps me find the little bit of courage needed to at least try facing a fear.
Now there’s just one last thing I want to ask:
When the gaunt, hollow visage of fear bares its teeth and threatens to drag you into the inky abyss, what will you do?
Will you cower or will you stand?